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The Weight of Invisible Autism: Why ‘You Don’t Look Autistic’ is More Harmful Than You Think
I really, really hate it when people say, “You don’t look Autistic.” You might be right, in fact, I hope you’re right, but that statement isn’t a compliment, nor is it harmless.
I don’t look Autistic in the way the stereotype dictates, because the stereotype is based on little white boys. I am not a child. I am not male. The stereotype also, often, assums that all people with Autism are low functioning and have a low IQ. I am neither of those either. I also have ADHD. There are common traits of ADHD, such as outgoing, extroverted behaviors that can cancel out, at least situationally, some common Autistic traits such as struggling with eye contact and introverted behaviors.
I have also spent my entire life honing my acting skills so that I don’t “look” Autistic, even long before I knew that’s what it was I was hiding. Recently, I wrote about a sensory meltdown I had, at 4:30am, by myself. That meltdown would not have happened in public. You’ll never see the vast majority of my outwardly visible Autistic traits unless I both trust you enough to let you see them and mostly likely, you live with me.
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I really, really hate it when people say, “You don’t look Autistic.” You might be right, in fact, I hope you’re right, but that statement isn’t a compliment, nor is it harmless.
“You don’t look Autistic” are four little words loaded with implied dismissal, derision, and even outright hostility.
When you say that, I hear, “I don’t believe you and because I don’t believe you that means I do believe you are an attention seeking liar.” I also hear, “I don’t believe you and because I don’t believe you I will deny or even actively prevent you from accessing any support, accommodation, or simply understanding that may make it easier, better, or straight up possible for you to exist in this world with dignity and respect as a fellow human being.”
